Let's cruise now!
Robbie Crismon
You might be a Redneck Cruiser if:
The whole family boards the ship with truck inner tubes over their shoulder cuz they heard there’s a pool on board.
You bring extra family members along who haven’t paid and try to slip the check in person $20 to let them on cause “..they’re jes’ sleeping on the floor in our room.”
The charcoal grills are smokin’ in the parking lot as people tail-gate before boarding the ship.
Your wife wins the "Hairy Legs" contest!
You save the shrimp for bait.
You belch after your meal, because you want them to know you appreciate the vittles.
You take out your pocket knife at dinner to cut up your steak.
You ask the waiter on Lido deck for an extra cup to spit your tobacco in.
Your family reunion has multiple cabins booked.....and every cabin has a Jim-Billy-Joe-Bob in it.
The family sits down for dinner and promptly tuck their napkins into their shirts or tie them around their necks.
The dancing in the dining room starts and granny gets up on her table and does the jig.
You don't recognize anything on the menu so you ask your waiter for either squirrel or possum.
You go to the muster(d) drill looking for hotdogs.
Your good lugage is a styrofoam cooler with duck tape on it.
Instead of luggage with wheels you show up at the dock with cardboard boxes and a wheelbarrow.
You steal the toilet paper out of the bathroom before you debark.
Nobody had to give you the "duct tape" tip.... you already had it packed.
A guy and girl you just met says they are cousins and you ask if they are married!
Security tells you you cannot bring either your pole, tackle box, or bass boat on board.
You go to the sushi bar asking for some of that fancy fish bait (provided you get the previous items on board).
You think free range chicken means you get an oven with your chicken.
You think midnight buffet is Jimmy Buffet's daughter.
You only put your teeth in for formal night.
The bartender asks if you have an ID, you say "bout what?"
You clean your fingernails with that little fork all the way on the left of the plate.
You complain at the desk that someone keeps breaking into your room and making up your bed.
The waiter pulls your wife’s chair out so she can sit down at the dinner table you think he’s trying to pull the chair
out from under her so you punch him.You scream the first time you flush the cabin’s toilet thinking something has grabbed hold of your butt.
At the Captain’s reception you ask him if he knows The Skipper.
Paw Paw brings his fiddle for the after-supper hoe-down.
You're disappointed the dance club doesn't have a mechanical bull.
While on an excursion, you complain that the place is "crawlin' with foreigners!"
You get upset because you missed the end of the Bristol race due to the muster drill.
You board the ship with folding chairs and a mosquito coil.
If taking your wife on cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.
The cruise ship looses both of your custom "Hefty Bag" suitcases and you have to go the whole cruise with only one NASCAR hat.
You forget your false teeth in the truck and have to borrow your wifes for every meal.
You get into an arguement with the purser because they won't take your Sams Club card as a deposit on your Sail-n-Sign account.
You make it a point to show your wife how poor the people in foriegn countries are because none of them have any cars sitting on blocks in their yards.
You have to have two different dining times on formal night because the "Family Suit" fits more than one person. (And after the cruise you have to return it to the Funeral home)
You try to get the gold ship on a stick appraised.
The full moon seen on deck is from you bending over to pick up another beer out of your cooler.
You go to the funnel deck hoping to find all you can eat funnel cakes.
Pa keeps on askin the peeiano player to play "Country Roads".
You have to paint Crescents on the Indoor Plumbing doors so your kin can find them.
GrandMa plays the theme from Deliverence in the restraunt on her harmonica and there is not a dry eye at our table.
Your waiter asks for your order (in his/her accent) and you say "Yew aint from 'round here, are ya?"
You yell SHAZAM! at the ice carving show.
You spend the whole evening at dinner trying to get your tablemates to play "pull my finger".
You get kicked out of the pool for trying to light the bubbles with your bic.
You plan the entire year's calendar around huntin' and racin' season.
You see absolutely nothing wrong with grabbing your steward by the head and giving him "noogies" when you run into him in the hall.
You ask the camp carnival counslers to play the tapes you brought to keep the youngins quiet. (Green acres and dukes of hazzard episodes.)
You bring cinder blocks on board to put your suitcase on because the wheels are missing........
You go to the jogging track and complain that the turns are not banked.
You ask the captain if he could fly the checkered flag just a little.You go to the cigar bar and ask for rope tobacco.
You bring duct tape AND Bondo, jes in case the ship hits an iceburg.
You decorate your hat all over with the drink umbrellas then strut around proudly like yer the first redneck who ever thunk of it.
You know you’re on a redneck cruise when lobster night is replaced with beanie-wienies.
